If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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