YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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