i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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