what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize