i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
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Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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