Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
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I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
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So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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