I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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