I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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