we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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