im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize