Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize