He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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