So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
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Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
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My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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