I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I showed him my bush... on skype.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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