So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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