everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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