I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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