so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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