Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
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And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
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Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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