I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
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ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
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