Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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