Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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