I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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