i already hear my dad disowning me
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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