and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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