I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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