Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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