I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
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I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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