why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
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My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
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You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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