hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
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The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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