i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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