I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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