we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize