We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize