im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
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We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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