I accidentally had phone sex last night
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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