I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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