He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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