So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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