My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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