Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i drank out of a bidet.
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all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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