it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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