dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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