last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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