My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
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People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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