Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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