she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
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driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
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He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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