bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
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Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
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Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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