I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
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I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
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We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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