After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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