the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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