i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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